The Countdown Begins...

What's Playing in my Head: "My Doorbell", by The White Stripes

Quote of the Day: "Technology frightens me to death. It's designed by engineers to impress other engineers, and they always come with instruction booklets that are written by engineers for other engineers - which is why almost no technology ever works." - John Cleese

Da-da-da-da...Da-da-da-da-da...Da-da-da-da...Da-da-da-da-da-da...

(I know this is a God-awful Europe technoshit reference. I'm sorry.)

I'm like a kid on Christmas eve tonight. Why? Because tomorrow is the day that me and The Dazzling Brunette have been waiting for for almost a year, a day that holds almost as much importance in my mind as the Super Bowl, or any Game Seven in hockey or baseball (basketball doesn't count, because it sucks).

I'm talking about the one-and-only Charlottesville-Albemarle SPCA Annual Rummage Sale, the 2006 edition of which opens to the public tomorrow.

Like yesterday, let me explain.

I find that in this world, there are two kinds of people - those who will turn their noses up at buying other people's hand-me-down old crap, and those who will gladly knock over old ladies and small children for the chance to buy other people's old crap at a fraction of the price if you bought it new. Me and The Dazzling Brunette are the later. (Well, maybe not so much the knocking over old ladies and kids part)

When I was a kid, I watched a lot of Nickelodeon, like every other good kid in the 80s. Every year, they'd have this contest called the Nick Super Toy Run, where some lucky kid got the chance to run screaming through a toy store and get whatever he/she/it wanted in some ridiculously short amount of time, like 10-15 minutes. (My memory has fogged out unimportant details like this, or like whether I left the stove on, turning my house into a flaming inferno) I always wanted to win that contest and run around getting whatever free toys I wanted.

Later in life, I wound up doing basically the exact same thing at my high school all-night graduation party, where the parents association wound up throwing a bunch of free junk food and prizes out amidst the hoard of we-don't-care-no-more seniors roaming the school building. That night, amidst all the partying and pseudo-clean fun, I managed to hoard a ton of candy bars, pizza, a Poloroid camera, a Nerf football, and a bunch of other junk that's probably still buried in my parents' basement (hopefully not the pizzas).

I think the same thing's at work here - stuff like this, and used book sales and dollar stores let me go on an uncharacteristically gayish-feminine shopping streak, grabbing stuff left and right without flushing money down the crapper (in traditional gayish-feminine fashion). I can get a lot of stuff, which can be pretty cool a lot of the time, especially since a lot of the stuff you get at these places is the kind that you can't buy new because they either don't make it anymore, or it's so ass-backwardly expensive that you wouldn't buy it new in the first place.

Last year was the first year I went to the rummage sale, and it kicked ass. Except for the lines, which went out the door. But The Dazzling Brunette and I got a bunch of books, DVD's, a case for my laptop, toys for her daughter and niece, and a brand-new torch lamp, among other things, all for cheap. There's furniture and clothes there, too, but we didn't get any. We did, however, go twice (the thing lasts over a week).

Anyway...The sale starts at 11 at the old Grand furniture warehouse in town, off 5th Street Extended. The directions are here. The money from the sale goes to a good cause, too (the SPCA of Charlottesville-Albemarle), if that matters to you. I can't wait.

Maybe I'll go camp out overnight.

Fun With Flickr

This way!
Originally uploaded by Sbmoot.

Superhero arsonists...This way, please. No pushing.

Fun With Flickr

OK... where's that bathroom?
Originally uploaded by Sbmoot.

"So, like, this Incontinent Riverdancer party is killer."

"Totally."

"You want a beer?"

"What?"

"A beer. You want a beer?"

"No, I can't hear. There's a wall between us, you know."

Fun With Flickr

Stick figure in peril
Originally uploaded by IndiepoprockJesse.

Ahhhh!!! Wavy quicksand!!!

Fun With Flickr

Some sign on a car in Amsterdam
Originally uploaded by temp13rec..

Denji...Denjiman...Denji...Denjiman...

Fun With Flickr

caution.JPG
Originally uploaded by Bricoleur's Daughter.

Contrary to popular belief, safety equipment will protect you from evil, bloodthirsty arrows.

Fun With Flickr

boys' room
Originally uploaded by Sbmoot.

"Excuse Me, Miss, where can I find the little Riverdancer's room?"

"Why, right over there."

Fun With Flickr

Hot Water 14-10-06_2137
Originally uploaded by carlweaver.

DANGER: Hot acid water on tap. Use caution in dispensing.

I'm Going To Be Even Richer

What's Playing in my Head: "Battle Flag", by Lo Fidelity All-Stars

Quote of the Day: “You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready? "Uh huh." Dinosaurs. You know the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point. "And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus...with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend.” - Bill Hicks

On the off-chance that my career selling men's cologne doesn't pan out, I have now come up with The Second Greatest Business Idea In The History Of Western Capitalism.

I was on Pantops tonight, doing what I usually do on weeknights (ie, going home). I had stopped for gas across from the Giant when I saw a darkened storefront that housed a camera shop. Dark, ostensibly, because it was closed. In the window, there was a neon sign, glowing in the dark in this seamy, amoral sort of way. That's when The Second Greatest Business Idea etc. hit me.

I'm going to start Cowtown's highest-class brothel, catering to the elite of this town. It will sit in a shopping center, camouflaged as a camera and photo developing shop, with a secret back room and basement cloaking our highly illegal (and highly profitable) activities.

I will call it The F Stop.

At night, I will personally meet all of my clients at the door, pimped-out in Gucci and Louis Vutton. Cognac will flow freely, with the kind of loud, bass-humping music that would only be found in the finest whore house. The cover charge will be a cool $50 bill.

Of course, to keep everything on the QT, we'll have to act like a real camera store during the day. I will have photo seminars on the weekends and big sales on Polaroids (the cameras, not the pictures) every Thursday. My shelves will be full of film and Nikons, so full that no one will notice the secret revolving door in the back wall.

The F Stop will quickly become the hottest piece of the underground scene in Cowtown, making me filthy rich in the process. I will then marry my world famous billionaire bikini supermodel astrophysicist girlfriend and retire to Fiji.

I am entirely too brilliant.

Parody At Its Best

"Weird Al"'s latest:



I'm still laughing...

Loving Life...

What's Playing in my Head: "Loser", by Beck

Quote of the Day: "All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow." - Dave Barry

Okay, so today's going to be a quick post, mostly because work is making my life into a professional frat rush, only with far less drinking and homoerotic overtones. (I will note that this is something I more or less predicted on Day One of this blog)

Work aside, I'm finding that life down here is more enjoyable than life back up in Northern Virginia. Compared to what I'm used to, it's sort of like taking a trip to some Caribbean island - life is a little more laid back, no one's really rushing anywhere, and the people are far less pretentious than in the DC area. This is a bizarre thing to say, given that UVA has garnered a reputation as being one of the most pretentious and snobbish public schools in the nation, but it's 100% true.

People down here, by and large, are friendly, approachable, and actually smile when you greet them. I have yet to encounter the kind of self-absorbed asshole screaming "Do you know who I am?!?" to some counter clerk at Starbucks when their latte is slow in coming that I used to see pretty much every day in DC. (Not to say that there aren't assholes down there, but they seem to be fewer in number, and are probably trust fund babies from NoVA anyway.

I guess the one thing I like the most about being down here is where I live - that is, an hour outside of Cowtown in quasi-rural Central Virginia. For someone like me, having grown up in the wilds of suburbia, being able to live without having to deal with loud traffic, jets flying overhead, neighbors and other inconveniences is a godsend. In our small neighborhood, if people don't come looking for you, no one would ever know that you're there. And people are friendly enough when you want them around, but they're not going to come bugging the crap out of you if you don't know them. It's a little like playing fort as a kid, only this version has deeds and mortgage payments.

It's very gratifying, actually enjoying your life. I highly recommend it.

PS - The Skins blow. Very hard. I will be checking Harris Teeter for brown paper bags this week. That is all.